In previous years, I have published similar articles either before the New Year or as the first article of the New Year. However, the human memory is wounded by forgetfulness, so it appreciates being reminded of something that concerns it.
Many people want to do things differently in their lives, to take the initiative to make a breakthrough in their careers, to give up some behaviors that they do not find appropriate, to develop new habits that they think are healthier and better. Quitting smoking, starting sports, taking action to learn a new language, starting a diet and losing weight are some of the main examples of such wishes and decisions. However, both our personal experiences and observations show that most of these decisions are either not put into practice at the beginning or, even if they are put into practice, they are abandoned after a short period of time and remain fruitless.
This situation has attracted the attention of scientists and has been the subject of their research. According to one author, for some people, saying they are going to “do” something feels as good as doing it. Saying at any time of the year that one will quit smoking in the New Year, or go on a strict diet to lose excess weight, or resolve to save a portion of one’s income on a regular basis, makes it justifiable and possible for a person to smoke without feeling guilty in the months ahead, to continue eating whatever they feel like eating, or to spend on non-essential expenses.
According to a study, emotions force a person to make a promise, but the person’s capacity is not enough to fulfill that promise. This is because the feeling brain (system 1) directs the person towards what will give pleasure, but during the period when the thinking brain (system 2) should take control, the feeling brain makes a cover for this situation. “Now is not the time”, ‘I had made up my mind, but I encountered this event that bothered me’. Especially when we are tired, our willpower weakens and we see going against our decision as a reward.
In reality, this is a problem of procrastination and self-control. When people decide to go on a diet, exercise regularly or save money, they are under the control of the thinking brain and in a calm state of mind. However, the situation is different when it comes to implementing these decisions. It is much more comfortable and easy to feel entitled to a cigarette when we are tired and our willpower is weakened, to overestimate our desire to exercise and sweat at the end of a tiring day, to get carried away by the temptation of the dessert tray, to buy the shoes that catch our eye in the shop window today and start paying for them three months later using the advantage offered by the credit card, and to leave the control entirely to the feeling brain.
How Useful is Freedom?
Dan Ariely was prompted to conduct research by the excuses his students gave for turning in their homework after it was overdue. At the beginning of the school year, Ariely used three different methods in three different classes for the assignments due during the year. The first group was asked to decide for themselves the weeks of the school year in which they would turn in the three assignments for which they were responsible and to report this. The second group was left completely free to decide on the submission date of the three assignments. The third group was given precise dates for the submission of the three assignments. As a result, it was observed that the group that was given a deadline was the one that received the best grades. The group that chose their own deadlines for their assignments and reported them was the second best group, while the group with the worst results was the group that was left completely free about the deadlines. These results were valid in terms of the quality of the assignments as well as the students’ compliance with the deadlines. In the group where students were left free, the assignments were seen to be rushed, sloppy and “done for the sake of doing it”.
Based on this research, it is possible to say that there is a need for external control representing authority for people to keep their promises. It may not always be possible to keep the promises we make to ourselves. In this case, the appropriate way may be to share our promises with those around us. In this way, one commits oneself and exerts external control over oneself to keep one’s promises. The most important reason for this is the desire to be consistent with oneself and to protect others’ perception of oneself. Because breaking one’s promises to others makes one feel worthless and damages one’s trust. Knowing that one cannot keep a promise damages one’s self-perception and self-esteem.
Before Making a Promise
How does the concept of discipline make you feel?
Does it feel unpleasant and like an imposition?
If so, don’t set too high goals when making promises to yourself. Because discipline is consistency. Consistency in goals, principles and behavior. Discipline is doing something you don’t want to do as if you really want to do it, and not doing something you do want to do. Therefore, your attitude to self-discipline in all areas of life will inform your likelihood of keeping your promises.
As we enter a new year, we will all make good wishes and promises for ourselves and our loved ones. We have no special suggestions for wishes. As our ancestors used to say, “dedication does not exhaust wealth”. But review your performance to date in keeping your promises to yourself. If the number of broken promises outnumber the promises you have made, it is useful to ask yourself the following questions:
“What is my intention behind my promise? What will I gain by keeping my promise?”
“To what extent does this promise match my reality? Do I have signs and evidence to date that I will keep this promise?”
“How important is it for me to keep this promise? Will it benefit myself, or will it mainly benefit those around me whom I care about?”
“When I realize that I cannot keep my promise, will I openly admit it and apologize, or will I blame others or blame circumstances?”
Conclusion
Dear readers, as we enter the New Year, it is important to think very carefully about the promises we make to ourselves as well as to others in light of the above questions. It is also important to keep in mind that making it known to others is a risky but effective way to keep our promises.
We wish all our readers that the New Year will bring health and peace and that it will be a year that brings them closer to their life goals by keeping their promises.
(*) This article was published in Remzi Bookstore under the title “Akılsız Duyguların Cezasını Kararlar Verir” Modified from the book.
Sources:
- Dr. Heidi Grand Halvorson; The Surprising Reason Why We Break Promises: HuffingtonPost November 01, 2013 https://www.huffingtonpost.com/heidi-grant-halvorson-phd/breaking-promises_b_2449631.html
- Ariely,D., Wertenbroch,K.; Procastination, Deadlines and Performance: Self Control by Precommitment. Psychological Science. 2002.
