Emotional resilience is a concept that applies to both individuals and organizations. We find it hard to understand how some people can maintain their zest for life and remain healthy in the face of adversity, while others can easily despair, retreat and give up in the face of adversity. At the beginning of our careers, we used to try to find answers to these issues while reading research on stress. Our precedents were historical figures such as İsmet İnönü and Winston Churchill, who lived long and healthy lives despite carrying not only the problems of their own families but also the emotional burdens of their country’s struggle for existence. “Some people are known to be more resilient to stress. For example, many statesmen who carried the responsibility and destiny of an entire nation on their backs lived both long and healthy lives. The most striking examples are İsmet İnönü and Winston Churchill. Both İnönü and Churchill accepted the responsibilities and struggles they undertook as part of their lives and managed not to reflect the difficulties on their own bodies. These strong personalities saw real wars as a chess game. However, many people perceive a chess game as a real battle.
Preparation for life is not limited to overcoming educational exams. Emotional resilience or resilience is a trait that only develops as one is tested, challenged and pushed out of one’s comfort zone. There have been researchers who have suggested that some people are born with it, but it is a trait that is largely developed over a lifetime. Because resilience plays a much more important role in life success than diplomas, experience and professional know-how. The most concrete example of this is the existence of people who, despite coming from very disadvantaged environments, do not get stuck in the difficulties they face, but gain many competencies in the process of struggle and enrich their lives and become successful.
People with high emotional resilience have four key characteristics.
Acceptance of reality: Most people who write about emotional resilience put optimism at the top. However, this is extremely misleading. For example, Jim Stokdale, who spent eight years in a Vietcong prison camp, answered the question “Who didn’t survive the camp?” with “Optimists”. “Because they thought they would be liberated by Christmas. When that didn’t happen, they thought of Easter, and when that didn’t happen, they thought of July 4, Independence Day, and when that didn’t happen, they thought of Thanksgiving Day as the day they would be reunited with their loved ones. As the Christmases came and went, these friends died of despair, grief and disappointment. Optimism can be helpful in some situations, but too often it leads to ignoring and postponing problems and exacerbates them. In adverse situations, it is wiser to keep a cool head, and sometimes with measured pessimism, to prepare possible plans B and even C in case the best we can hope for does not materialize.
Optimism and denial do not solve problems. The question we need to ask ourselves is “Do I fully understand the realities of my situation and accept the consequences?” “What is my backup plan if the solution I have in mind does not work?”
Victor Frankl is undoubtedly the most exceptional example in this regard. According to him, those who survived the labor camps were those who developed a “plastic shield” for themselves. Frankl said that during his troubled days he designed what he would later call “logo therapy” and that he survived by dreaming of the day when he would share his experiences with people. In his book “Man’s Search for Meaning”, he wrote that this dream allowed him to put his suffering on the back burner. The idea of writing this book and developing a therapeutic method showed that even in the face of an unalterable fate, one can find a reason to survive.
Learning lessons: In a way, seeing the facts and learning lessons are closely related. When faced with a negative situation, many people take refuge in the victim mentality and weave a cocoon in a vicious cycle of “Why did this happen to me?” or “Why me?”. The more the person believes that they are a victim, the thicker the cocoon they weave. However, people with high emotional resilience gain new skills and discover aspects of their potential that they were not aware of on their journey to overcome the difficulties they face. In this way, they build both the present and a strong bridge to the future, giving them strength and a sense of competence as they face the obstacles ahead.
Finding meaning: Making sense of life is not easy. I know that when I ask people in my seminars, “Write your reason for being in life in one sentence”, most of them have a very difficult time and give answers that do not satisfy them. It is values that give meaning to life, compass for decisions and give strength to struggle. It is known that many people have suffered for the sake of their values and that this suffering has brought them happiness. For example, Nietzsche’s concept of ‘übermensch’ (superior man), which is widely heard as a concept but few people know its true meaning, points to this characteristic. Nietzsche defines Übermensch as “a person who dedicates himself to the goals he sets and sees suffering as the key to learning the elusive secret of happiness” and continues: “A world that shies away from the risk of striving for great things is a world that shuns high values and embraces mediocrity”. “Seeking excellence and dying if necessary” is the central idea of ‘Triumph of the Will’.
Positive attitude and discipline: The main pillar of emotional resilience is a positive attitude. Even in the most difficult and seemingly hopeless situations, those with a positive attitude start by asking “what is good right now?”. This is an approach that goes beyond the “be grateful” consolation given to those who have had a bad life in society. In a sense, a positive attitude is the ability to create something new with what is available. In the face of a negative experience, people often feel helpless and dwell on what has happened. They get stuck in a vicious circle of “If it hadn’t happened…, bad luck…, he found me…, if I hadn’t passed by…, if he hadn’t done that…”, which is not helpful and will not contribute to solving the problem. However, even in the most difficult situation, there are resources that one can build on and utilize to solve the problem. “What is good right now? A positive attitude allows one to focus one’s mental and emotional energy on what is to come, not on what has happened.
Emotional resilience in young people
Growing up in a protective family environment starting from childhood is the biggest obstacle for young people to develop emotional resilience and self-efficacy. Being a partner in the life of the family by doing housework, working during summer vacations, taking part in student clubs, working in non-governmental organizations, being involved in regular and sportive activities offer opportunities to develop emotional resilience. Young people who engage in such activities have a great potential to help others and take responsibility.
Conclusion
People with emotional resilience do not despair in difficult situations, they do not complain, they try to make sense of difficulties, find solutions and see adversity as an opportunity for growth. As a result, they develop self-efficacy for the difficulties they face later on.
Make sure you are fighting for a realistic/valid cause
Think of situations where you have shown real resilience
Think of three challenges you have overcome in your life. How you overcame them.
Do not expect the situation to improve on its own
Recognize your strengths and use them
Don’t try to solve everything on your own
Know that you don’t have to tell everyone
But know and invest in the relationships that really know and accept you.
Find the path that suits (you) for mental rest/relaxation
Books, movies, friends.
Be kind to yourself and remember that all difficulties make you stronger
Resilience strengthens. It depends on many factors. The difficulty of the challenge, how much support is available, how they cope. However, dealing with adversity and having the experience gives confidence and makes you prepared.
