There are three important decisions people make in their lives. These are the answers to the questions “Where will I live?”, “What will I do?”, and “Who will I do it with?” Until a century ago, making these decisions was easy for the vast majority of people. People lived where they were born, men followed their fathers’ trade, and women married and lived within their families’ close circle. However, today, choosing a career and choosing a spouse are two of the most important decisions people must make.
One of the biggest misconceptions about choosing a spouse or partner is the belief that people value certain qualities over others. When asked what qualities they seek in a prospective partner, general characteristics like kindness, sensitivity, affection, and protectiveness often dominate. Those who make these statements about partner selection believe they are unique in their choices. Yet, this quest applies to people almost everywhere. Numerous studies have confirmed that men and women have different reasons for choosing a spouse and partner, and that women are more selective than men. Men’s decisions are driven primarily by appearance and sexual attractiveness, while women’s decisions are driven by the man’s income and opportunities.
What do we really choose?
In a study of 9,800 people from 37 different cultures (1), Shackleford and colleagues suggested that people’s compatibility in a long-term relationship depends on their preferences on four dimensions:
- Sociality-Religious compatibility
- Love-Status and wealth
- Commitment