First and foremost, we need to banish the notion that today’s youth are going to the dogs. The idea that young people are not being raised properly and will lead the country to ruin has been repeated since the days of Sumerian tablets, Egyptian papyri, and ancient Greek writings. In the 1950s, it was believed that Elvis Presley led the youth astray; in the 1960s, it was The Beatles. In the 1970s, involvement in political movements was seen as a threat; in the 1980s, the “live for today” mindset; in the 1990s, video games; and today, social media is viewed as a threat. Parents and educators believe that if they can eliminate this threat, everything will be fixed, and they refuse to see the underlying cause. They see ignoring the problem, banning things, punishing, lecturing, and preaching as solutions to this threat. In this situation, the fact that children spend most of their time in front of screens raises the question, “What can families do in a world like this?”—a question that haunts the minds of both parents and everyone within the education system.
Whether it is the September 11 attacks on the Twin Towers or a mining or plane crash, such events can never be explained by a single cause. In this case as well, the causes can be summarized as follows. Individual factors such as anger management issues and the search for identity and status; factors related to early childhood experiences within the family, such as neglect, abuse, domestic violence, and lack of discipline; issues related to peers and the social environment, such as peer pressure, bullying, exclusion, and gang involvement; reasons related to the education system, such as academic failure, the breakdown of education, and school climate; social and cultural issues, such as the normalization of violence, inequality, and injustice; and problems caused by the digital world, such as cyberbullying, feelings of worthlessness, and online games that normalize violence. In short, the general tendency toward violence in society is not the result of the youth’s inherent wickedness, but rather a product of the context formed by various intertwined factors. Each of these layers is important, and none of them can solve the problem on its own. In short, fragile family structures, peer pressure, the failure of schools to fulfill their functions, unequal and unjust social conditions, and the influences of the digital world are transforming violence into a form of expression.
The unluckiest generation (!)
Young people, referring to the historical period they are living in, believe they are an unlucky generation forced to grapple with the greatest challenges. The reason for this is that they are almost entirely ignorant of both Turkish and world history. On the other hand, parents also feel that raising children is far more difficult than it was in the past. This is because they realize they must act in ways that are very different from the relational framework within which they themselves were raised. They are neither prepared for such a role nor do they have any role models. It is becoming clear just how misguided it is to assume that children are safe simply because they are at home or in their rooms. This is because a child’s “safe room” has the potential to be a window opening onto all the evils of the world. For this reason, I believe today’s parents have two distinct and crucial responsibilities. The first, distinct responsibility is to limit their own screen time; the second, crucial responsibility is to establish a genuine bond with their child.
The fundamental problem young people face is, in particular, their inability to form a genuine bond with their parents. On this point, Psychologist Dr. Caswell, who works on adolescent issues, says, “No young person, when they’re feeling really good about themselves, would think of killing themselves or someone else based on a message they saw on social media.” When I speak with young people, they express their experiences and feelings to the people they trust in the following way:
“All they do is point out my mistakes and scold me.”
“It feels like I can’t do anything right.”
“I feel a lot of pressure to be perfect, and I just can’t manage it.”
“I can’t be myself at home, so I lock myself in my room.”
“My mom and dad care more about my grades than about me.”
“Everyone is judging me.”
“I think my teacher hates me.”
“School is so boring, and I don’t believe what I’m learning will be of any use.”
“I don’t have the strength to keep going.”
At this point, we need to focus on the question, “What can families do?” The suggestions listed below won’t resolve the issues dramatically overnight, but they will allow for progress through small steps:
Listen without judgment.
Share in their excitement about any topic.
Show interest in the topics that interest them and try to understand why they are interested.
Accept their feelings.
Focus on their personality and character, not just their actions.
Accept that they have the right to fail.
Appreciate their successes, no matter how small.
Let the young person feel the love and compassion you have for them.
In this way, seize the opportunity to spend more time with them and become part of their world.
Undoubtedly, these are not things that happen overnight. That is why accompanying them while they watch movies from a young age, asking questions based on news and movie stories, and laying a solid foundation for building a healthy value system are essential. By involving the child in decision-making—such as implementing screen-free periods during the day, not bringing phones to the dinner table, limiting screen time on weekends, and taking similar measures—we can enhance social interaction and facilitate a healthy adolescence. This makes it possible to stay close to the child’s emotional world, anticipate their problems and silent cries, and take precautions against potential dangers. To achieve this, parents must establish a genuine connection with their children. However, children must learn boundaries within the family, not encounter understanding and empathy in every situation, move away from the belief that they are entitled to everything, and incorporate basic polite phrases into their daily lives. Because it is important to recognize that excessive empathy can lead to a lack of discipline.
My most important advice to new parents is to stop putting screens and tablets in their children’s hands from a very young age, just to make their own lives easier. While this solution provides families with short-term relief, it lays the foundation for the screen addiction that is later so often complained about. My second piece of advice is to instill a sense of citizenship in their children by reminding them—just as much as telling them they are unique and special—that they live in a society and have responsibilities toward communal life. Involving children in household chores not only makes them partners in the family’s well-being but also in its daily life; refraining from doing anything the child can do on their own; and addressing them by their name rather than calling them “Mommy” or “Daddy”—these are small yet extremely important and valuable steps that prepare them for life just as much as academic success.
The Dismantling of School and Formal Education
As a result of digitalization and artificial intelligence entering our lives at a pace for which we are unprepared, uncertainty regarding the content and future of education continues worldwide. Neither educators nor young people know what the material they are taught will contribute to their lives beyond exam scores. However, school is not merely a place where knowledge is transmitted; it is a place where socialization occurs, societal norms are reinforced, national history is learned, and, as an extension of this, civic consciousness is formed. Teachers are the most important part of this process. In many schools, families, based solely on their children’s one-sided accounts, speak negatively about teachers, thereby eroding the children’s respect for them. At the root of discipline issues in private schools lies the loss of respect for teachers caused by parents. In private schools, parents view themselves as customers who must be satisfied and make demands of the school administration that undermine the spirit of education and leave their children vulnerable in the face of life’s challenges. It is impossible to raise young people prepared for life in schools managed by parents through WhatsApp groups. Within the education system, it is crucial to provide young people with historical knowledge free from jingoism and to instill a sense of citizenship.
Each of the circles listed above is important and will shed light on the steps to be taken to raise healthier generations. However, the greatest responsibility falls on families. While this varies depending on family dynamics, some families believe they are a shield that will protect their children from all the dangers of the outside world. Children learn self-confidence from their mother and how to manage their emotions from their father. Raising a child in such a way that “no stone touches their foot” is not doing them a favor. Excessive empathy leads to a lack of discipline. The foundations of discipline are laid in the family and reinforced at school. Therefore, the first step should be to restore respect for and empower teachers. However, I am saddened to see that regulating the digital world and increasing penalties are the first measures that come to mind.
Conclusion
Young people already know all the information their parents will provide. People feel as though they are in a completed phase of their personal history at every stage of their lives. It is important to remember that if the need is overwhelming and the emotion is intensely felt, information does not change behavior. If the opposite were possible, there wouldn’t be a single person in the world who smokes. The first step in helping young people who have lost their way in the chaotic world we live in is to develop a relationship that enhances communication with them. This involves listening more without judgment, asking more questions without judgment, deriving new questions from the answers given, and building a connection that helps them find their own correct answers.
